The discipline we call “Solutions Focus” has a very fine point to make. We ask how things are on a scale of 1—10 and then, instead of asking, “Why isn’t it a ten?” we ask, “Why isn’t it a one?”
Say your life is a 3. Well, you must have some things going right… after all, it isn’t a 1 or a 0! So there must be some resources you can use. Look at what’s working in your life and start to build on that.
In other words, you look at solutions, instead of problems; what you have, instead of what you don’t have.
If you ask how to get to a 10, that will likely depress you. But ask how to get to a 4 and it will seem very doable.
A chunked down version of this life hack is attributed to Dan Sullivan; he calls it “The Gap”. He’s referring to the gap between where you are and where you’d like to be (the ideal, for you). Continue reading
Those of you who follow all my writings, not just the obvious health advisories, will know I write a lot about mental and spiritual wellbeing.
Those who joined my New Thought Horizons program, for instance, were treated to a talk entitled “Honesty, Lies and Truth”, with a strong message about not telling lies.
Lies undermine one’s own mental health. Lies also compromise your relationship partner; he or she cannot respond to you properly, if you are dishonest about what you are thinking, feeling or doing. In fact it’s a great way to make them look foolish and get them to hate you: just run rings round them with lies, till the whole relationship falls apart!
Then you run around telling more lies about how it was all his or her fault, not your own. Next thing you know—you are just average or “normal”, because they are all doing it too.
I published some startling figures. For instance, 96% of women admit to telling lies often, even daily. That was a survey of women, by women and published in a woman’s journal, if you are wondering about a gender attack.
I sometimes wonder about the 4%: whether they are the honest women or hardcore liars who won’t admit the truth, even on a survey! Continue reading